Kentucky Fried Chicken (Tracy, CA)
Yes, KFC has chicken-fried steak. They call it a “country fried steak,” but it’s deep-fried. If the colonel were alive today, I’m sure he’d insist on the proper nomenclature. But yeah, KFC has a chicken-fried steak meal. But only on Wednesdays, and only from July 1 through August 19, 2026 (while supplies last). And only at participating locations. And only for $4.99. And I tried it so you don’t have to. This C-FS has the level of greasiness you’d expect from KFC, extremely thin, but tender enough to cut through with a spork. The white peppercorn gravy is runny and surprisingly absent of any noticeable peppercorn, and the mashed potatoes are fluffy — probably all made from bags of powder mixed with tap water. The biscuit is fluffy and buttery, actually much better than some I’ve had at non-fast food diners, and the coleslaw is the colonel’s famous slaw, thrown in to round out the meal. I got the meal with Mountain Dew Sweet Lightning, which is apparently only available at KFC and seems somewhat inspired in flavor by peach tea. Overall, would I recommend the country fried steak meal at Kentucky Fried Chicken? No, unless you’re starving and only have a five-spot in your jeans pocket. But even then, I’d recommend an order of popcorn chicken instead. Don’t get me wrong; there’s certainly a clientele for the KFC C-FS. It’s made specifically for those poor, ghetto hoodrats who need something, anything, but can’t afford quality and are actually accustomed to garbage. It’s cheap, it gets the job done, and it’s reliable enough, at least for a limited time. It’s the used Kia Forte of fried beef foodstuffs. There’s a reason I haven’t been to a KFC in decades. I rate this meal three thumbs down, two nauseated face emojis and one vomiting face emoji.
ButtercuP (Concord, CA)
I’ll tell you where I fucked up. I reviewed this place too early in the rotation and now the bar’s set a bit too high for all the places that follow. This steak is tender, not super thick, but with an almost fluffy breading that is even and consistent with plenty of seasoning. The gravy is thick, flavorful, with chunks of savory sausage. The hash browns are perfectly crispy with just the right amount of char. The scrambled eggs are fluffy, with a visible mixture of white in the yellow so you know it’s not poured from a jug. The biscuit is equally fluffy, porous and slightly buttery, and soaks up the extra gravy well. Absolutely no condiments were added to anything on my plate. The staff there was fast, friendly, and attentive. It was a perfect meal. And since the Capital P in ButtercuP is for Pie, I had to fuck my diet even further. I don’t know if this technically counts as pie, but if you still have room, get you a piece of their bread pudding with whiskey sauce. That alone is worth the drive. There were two nice ladies in the next booth over talking extreme politics and conspiracy theories. I should have asked to borrow their hands so I could give this place six thumbs up, and I’d even throw in eight stars and an eggplant emoji.
Bill's Cafe (Pleasanton, CA)
Way to ruin my fuckin’ diet, Bill! The country-fried steak and eggs meal is pretty big, and it will fill you up. First off, the steak is of a decent thickness, with a good amount of breading, and appears more deep-fried than pan-fried, which would technically make it more of a chicken-fried steak rather than a country-fried steak, but whatever. Call it what you want, Bill. You could probably chalk it up to some cultural differences in the management and staff. During the course of my meal, there were a couple of patron birthday call-outs. But while other food joints might gather up the dishwasher and the janitor and all the busboys who had time to lean but no time to clean, light a candle on a molten chocolate lava cake and sing Happy Birthday, all the staff at Bill’s Cafe in Pleasanton started chanting, banging on bongos and shaking maracas. I thought they might’ve been calling for rain right there in the main dining area, but that’s just how Bill celebrates birthdays, I guess. Anyway, the gravy tasted like it was probably house-made rather than from a mix, but the house was apparently out of seasoning. I shook a good amount of black pepper into it just to give it some sort of flavor and to hopefully add a little thickness. The biscuits were okay, kinda thin but homemade tasting. They helped to mop up all the extra gravy. The eggs were decent, but a bit runnier than scrambled eggs typically are. The hash browns were grated potatoes, as they should be, but not at all crispy or even slightly seared. The Pepper Plant sauce on the table saved the hash browns and, unfortunately, was the real star of the meal. Overall, I’d rate the country-fried steak and eggs from Bill’s Cafe in Pleasanton, CA, 2.5 stars, half a thumbs up, and four of those upside-down face emojis.